Autism Accomodations

I have never had formal accommodations.  Not in school, not at work, not ever.  I was diagnosed just last fall, the day after my 43rd birthday.  And only now I can see that I've been getting accommodations all my life without even realizing it.  My life is THAT charmed.  I never even had to ask for it, but now that I know what to look for, I see how my life has always been filtered through someone's assistance.  First, it was my parents, who sheltered me and kept my childhood near idylic.  The only small problem was that, unaware of my autism, they didn't realize I'd need to be intentionally taught basic things about getting along in life, such as meal planning and cooking, and that I did not automatically understand the nuances of life.  Instead, once I heard a statement and took it to be true, it was 100% unequivocally true for all time.  I didn't realize it may change with time or circumstances, or that it may only be partially true.  So I ran into many instances of confusion and frankly, like life was gaslighting me.  

At age 19, after getting my Associate's Degree while still living at home, I joined the Army.  It, too, came with its own accommodations.  I was told where to be when, what to wear, what to do, when and what to eat (without having to cook or plan any of it) etc. While very stifling for some, it eliminated the need for my autistic brain to struggle with decision fatigue.  I didn't enjoy the poor morale, though, and as fate would have it, my father's accident and resulting traumatic brain injury gave me an early out of my military commitment.  

But by the grace of God, though, by this time I had met my now-husband, who followed me to my home state and with whom I lived after getting out of the Army.  And it is he who has filtered life for me ever since.

I have never lived on my own.  I have never had to juggle work and bills and school and parenting and whatever else people consider non-negotiables.  I've been cruising and unaware of it.

Thanks to my autism diagnosis, I've been reflecting on how I've gotten this far in life without any accommodations.  I was diagnosed with "level 1" autism, which already would imply I should be able to get along better than others on the spectrum.  But even so.  I have a graduate degree.  I served in the military.  I speak multiple languages.  I held down several long-term jobs.  I had two home births and I homeschool my children.  All things that seem like accomplishments for many people, especially those who wouldn't personally see themselves doing some of these things.

But see, I have had unofficial accommodations all along.  That's why I've been able to do what I have done.  I have had a support system, if even in only one or two people.  I have had people who accepted me as I am, appreciated me for what I did bring to the table, and didn't fault me for what I didn't.  I have experienced unconditional love since day one.

No wonder neither I nor anyone else ever thought I could have autism.  And yet, finding out has been one of the best things to have happened to me.  Because now I don't feel guilty for the shortcomings that have led me to depend on my "accommodations".