Sleeping Through the Night

Now that Natalia is 6 months old (yikes!) and beginning solid food, many people reasonably (?) expect her to start sleeping “through the night”.  However, I’ve been getting this question almost from the beginning.

There is a very good biological reason why tiny babies need to feed every few hours, day and night; basically, because the size of their stomachs only allows them to eat so much at a time.  (Here is a great visual that helps show the difference between a one day old baby’s stomach and a one month old baby’s stomach: http://babiesfirstlactation.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/the-newborns-stomach/.)  As you can imagine, as the baby grows into a child and then an adult, her stomach grows right along with her.   

Therefore, the bigger the person, the more she can eat at a time.  Conversely, the smaller the person, the less she can eat at a time.  And if she can only eat a little bit at a time, she will naturally need to eat more frequently than a bigger person, who can fill up and not get hungry for hours. So, since a baby gets hungry once she goes through her rather small meal, she inevitably will wake up at night when she gets hungry. Trying to force a young baby to sleep through the night is ill-advised.

Now, I will say that there are only very few things I enjoy more than sleeping in.  As a melancholic and a spirited adult, I tend to need more sleep than many others.  So you can be sure that adjusting to new motherhood in terms of sleep deprivation was not something I looked forward to or had an easy time with.  Even so, I do not consider getting Natalka to sleep through the night as some sort of milestone that will “finally” allow me to enjoy her more. Of course, when she does finally sleep through the night, it will be a milestone, and I will be quite happy to no longer have my nightly sleep interrupted.  But I am in no hurry.

First of all, how do we define sleeping “through” the night?  How many hours exactly counts as sleeping “through” the night?  I’ve heard “six” as the standard, but that hardly qualifies as sleeping through the night for me, who gets grouchy with much less than 10 hours of sleep.  So whether I wake up every four hours or every six makes little difference, because I’m not getting the optimum stretch of sleep that I as an individual need anyway.  If Natalia is sleeping in six-hour stretches, how ought I answer the question then?  

On the other hand, there are proponents of parenting that aims to “show baby who’s boss” by ignoring a baby’s cries in an effort to “teach independence” and hence get the baby to sleep up to 12 hours overnight.  It seems that this is an old idea that won’t die in modern times which many people – parents and non-parents alike – seem to consider some magical milestone about which to inquire at seemingly every meeting with a new mom or dad.  

Assuming we could agree on how to actually define “sleeping through the night”, what good would it do for me to answer in the positive?  All I can expect is the inquirer to smile and say “oh, good.”  And if I answer in the negative?  It’s not like the inquirer will then volunteer to take over parts of the night shift for me.  

I suppose that fellow parents ask this question simply as an attempt to find something to bond over with me.  Though if we follow different parenting styles, we may need to look outside the box for such camaraderie.  Mere artificial milestones won’t do the trick.

I did make this faux-pas a few months ago when I asked a friend with a son 8 months older than Natalia if he was sleeping "through" the night.  In my case, I was asking because I wondered what was in store for me and my little one.  I suppose it only becomes a nuisance if a parent is faced with the same question over and over again from many different people and over an extended period of time.

So let me offer a standing reply for most likely the next 6 months: No, Natalia is not yet sleeping through the night.  She wakes up on average every 4 hours, usually because the urge to pee wakes her up (I know this because her diaper is dry and she pees on her little potty), and to fill up her still small stomach.  As she starts taking in more and more solid food, I do expect her to start sleeping for longer stretches of time.  However, this will come at a price, since less frequent nursing will lead to a diminished milk supply, and of course eventual weaning.  So don’t assume that I’m looking forward to a full night’s rest necessarily, as I am fully aware that each phase of my baby’s life will come with its own pros and cons, and the best I can do is to focus on the positives and enjoy them to the fullest.

While we’re on the subject of answering reemerging questions: No, Natalia doesn’t yet have any teeth either.  And Yes, we are “still” breastfeeding. (The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for “at least” the first two years of life, and the American Academy of Pediatrics notes that breastmilk [or formula] is to be a baby’s primary source of nutrition for the entire first year of life.)

Baptism, Behind the Scenes

A quick behind-the-scenes look at Natalia's baptism preparation.

First, there was a photo shoot involved prior to the baptism in order to find the best photos to include in Natalka's guest poster, which was available for guests to sign with well wishes at the reception following the ceremony:

The becik, or heirloom swaddle pillow used for generations in my family during baptisms, needed to be prepared.  It was in need of sewing in a pink insert (one of the few gender color-codings I was on board with), since the last relative to have been baptized in it was also the only boy, and he had a blue insert.

Note to self, do not leave such a tedious task to the last minute!

Having been stored for over 20 years since the last relative was baptized in it, the becik was also in need of some careful ironing.

 

This was the first time the becik was used outside of Poland, and the mode of transportation was different.  Therefore, arriving at the church was a bit less ceremonial than in years past.  Here is Natalka en route to the church, sporting her becik.
 

Cousin Jade was put in charge of purses, so that Mom or Godmother didn't have to awkwardly carry a purse in the processional at the beginning of Mass.

We were unable to find my sister Klaudia on time to go over last minute videotaping details.  Thankfully at the last minute, Erick agreed to videotape the ceremony.

Fr. Kevin by way of introduction notes that he "won" the opportunity to be the friar to baptize Natalka. (See Erick hard at work off to the right?)

And here's a little candid of Natalka squeezing in a quick nap before her big moment.

For the full description of Natalia's Baptism, go here.

Why do you do that? (baby-led "weaning")

First, I use the term "weaning" according to the British definition, which means the addition of complimentary solid foods along with breast feeding (or formula feeding), NOT the American meaning, which implies the cessation of breastfeeding.

Ok, so what is baby-led weaning?  It's an approach to introducing baby to solid foods that doesn't involve rice cereal, spoon feeding (at least not at first), store-bought baby food, baby food processors, or any of the headaches that come along with a parent's attempt to get baby to eat solids.

Instead, baby-led weaning is based on two simple principles:  the parent is responsible for making safe and healthy foods available to the baby, and the baby is responsible for choosing if she wants to taste it and how much she wants to eat.  Breast milk is supposed to be a baby's primary source of nutrition for the entire first year of life, with the second six months serving as a transition period for baby to start learning about the different textures and tastes of other foods.

Putting all problematic breast feeding reasons for introducing solids early aside (since I've already dealt with my share of these woes and refuse to relive them again), the American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization (which holds more weight to my international mind) both recommend NOT introducing solid foods to a baby before she is about 6 months old.  There are several reasons.  For one, a baby is not developmentally ready to consume solid foods if she still has the tongue reflex which causes her to automatically push out anything that might pose a choking hazard.  So trying to bypass this natural defense mechanism by stuffing a spoon farther into her mouth is not advisable.  Also, the baby's intestines are not fully ready to handle harder-to-digest foods, potentially leading to allergies or reflux.  You can get the reasons straight from the "horse's" mouth here.

That's not to say that we have been 100% obedient to this advice.  This is "hodgepodge" parenting, after all.  We have dabbled on a few occasions with a few solids, but pretty much only to gauge Natalia's readiness for seriously starting solids.  She has been drooling like crazy and "looking for teeth" with her fingers/fist in her mouth for several months now, and is extremely interested in what we eat and drink, twisting herself in her front carrier to watch me drink a glass of water, for instance.  So we've been curious if she might not be ready.

Basically, in keeping with the easy-peasy approach to baby-led weaning, if a baby can reach out and grab a piece of food (that you've determined is safe for her to eat), and put it into her mouth without your help, then she is ready. 

So, we've tested her tongue reflex by seeing if she remembers the sugar-free popsicles that were an evening favorite of her mommy's during pregnancy. 

At 4 months, she remembers the popsicles all right.  Still, the verdict?  Not yet ready.

Every week or two, whenever we have a baby-friendly food available and the thought crosses my mind again, we have given Natalia sweet potato, banana, ripe pear, applesauce, pita bread, and most recently, Daddy's delicious butternut squash soup.  After introducing one of these, we then wait for at least several days to make sure there isn't any allergic reaction, before giving her either the same or a different solid.

Wanting to feed herself applesauce.

On Easter Sunday, Natalia first "drank" water from her own sippy cup.  She has been itching to participate in grown up meals for quite a while now.  As her 6 month half-birthday approaches, we will continue to offer Natalia a variety of real foods, foods that we would also eat.  No weird combo mush specially mixed by baby food manufacturers with added sugar or salt.  And since we breastfeed exclusively, there isn't a bottle to add rice cereal to anyway.

Drinking water for the first time.

 This nifty teether seems like a great way for Natalka to explore new tastes by sucking on the mesh without it being a choking hazard...

yummy pear

 But ultimately, the goal is to really eat food, learning a new skill, different from nursing.

Pita bread - yum!

However, her favorite treat is still the trusted boobie!

Talk about a happy meal!

Define Bad Habit

When I think of bad habits, I think of things we do that are unhealthy, unsafe, or irritating to the people around us.  Like smoking, or cursing, or picking one’s nose in public.  I do not understand this notion that many people seem to have that enjoying time with one’s child or showing her affection constitutes a “bad habit”.  Allow me to elaborate.

I have Natalia sleep in my bed with me.  I rock or nurse her to sleep, both for naps and at bedtime.  If she doesn’t seem sleepy, we do something else and try again later.  (You can’t physically force someone to sleep when they’re not sleepy, unless of course your drug them!)  This doesn’t bother me in the least, as it means less crying and fussing on Natalia’s part, and more time spent enjoying her rather than wasting time trying to get her to sleep only to keep coming back to a crying baby.  Yet on several occasions now I’ve heard and/or read that this is somehow a “bad habit”.  

Helping my daughter transition to sleep and encouraging her to think of sleep as a positive thing and not a power struggle between her and us-the-parents is somehow something negative.  What, pray tell, would be the “good habit” alternative?  Willingly enduring as my daughter screams at the top of her lungs, tears streaming down her face?  If you were to treat a fellow adult this way, you’d be considered quite the cold-hearted monster. Does she learn to “self-soothe”?  Or does she just learn to not bother crying for mommy and daddy because she sees that they don’t care and won’t come anyway?  Is this really a “positive” result?

Or breastfeeding.  After enduring the first couple of months of breastfeeding hell, I hope Natalia and I have a nice long breastfeeding relationship ahead of us.  The World Health Organization (WHO) states that “exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond.” What many Americans hear is the first part, “up to 6 months”, and even there, they may focus on the “up to” and not the “6 months”.

Now, I’m not judging in any way those who for one reason or another simply could not establish or continue a healthy, normal breastfeeding relationship with their child.  Believe me, I was there and I know how incredibly difficult it can be, and I had the benefit of Oscar’s 6 weeks of paternity leave and my becoming a stay-at-home mom.  I cannot even imagine how difficult it must be for moms without these two advantages.  

What I am saying is that just because many American women do not breastfeed according to the WHO recommendations doesn’t mean that those of us who do (or hope to) are in some way establishing “bad habits”.  No, I am not worried that Natalia will sneak a booby break before going up to pick up her high school diploma.  That has actually been suggested to me (in jest, I hope).  

I am well aware – as most people seem to be, since everyone tells me kids grow up so quickly – that the amount of dependence that my daughter has on me will naturally lessen over the years.  Why on God’s green earth would I want to rush the inevitable?  Especially after waiting for so long for her to join our family?  What’s the rush?  What bad habit will I establish by encouraging her to nurse on cue whenever she needs the nourishment or closeness of her mommy?  There will be plenty of times when I will be forced to stand my ground with a resounding “no” to her requests.  Breastfeeding need not be one of these times.

I give Natalia hugs and kisses.  Should I cut back on these too, for fear of her thinking she is loved beyond measure by her mommy?  Should I maybe ration out affection to her so she doesn’t think too highly of herself as a valued member of the family and a human being worthy of affection?  

Why would I choose to see my baby do this.....

...when I can see her do this...

...or this?