Got rid of our entertainment center, which freed up lots of space in our living room. Also served as a catalyst to finally start going through our photo albums in preparation for digitizing them. I don't want to scan a bunch of photos we don't need, so part one of this project has been to go through and get rid of all duplicates, blurries, photos of people we don't know (!), and tons of unflattering pics or pictures that just don't need to be immermorialized. We are about half way through with the first edit. Once we're done, I intend to go through them again and see if I can't get rid of some more photos, leaving us with not more than half the stack we started with. At that point, we'll scan and organize digitally the pictures that remain, and then get rid of the hard copies. Two exceptions to this: our wedding album, and a scrapbook I made about how Alex and I met. I also want to create a photo album specifically for Natalia with up-close photos of people we want her to recognize and know. Other than that, no more paper photos or photo albums to take up space. The second project will be to digitize videos that we have. There are several homemade VHS tapes that need to be converted; We will allow Walmart to do the honors.
We have an ongoing large plastic tub that we fill with items we collect from around the house that we can part with, and as it fills, we take it to be donated. We've had this system going for the past year, since moving into our apartment. As soon as the tub is empty, we are motivated anew to start filling it again. It did finally occur to us to try to sell some of the items, and we've been able to do so with our Ikea wardrobes and some cloth diapers. Several additional items are waiting to be claimed on Craigslist.
The goal of our minimalism efforts is to make room in our lives - both physically in our home, and psychologically in our minds - for the things that matter most to us. I'm finding that as I've gotten rid of old letters, cards, newspapers and other mementos (several tubs of stuff!), I don't miss it, and what remains is much more meaningful now, because it has become a representative sample of times gone by. Also, since we are/will be homeschooling Natalia, we need to make room for tools we'll need for that. Part of that will be being able to find random items that we can actually use in our homeschool. The other part will be to simply have the room for new items as they become necessary.
My wardrobe is pretty bare at this point. I was able to get rid of bags of clothing and shoes that I simply don't wear anymore. I think there are a few more items I'll need to part with, but I will also need to go shopping (something I despise) for new items. This will be the part of minimalism where getting rid of excess stuff makes room for fewer but better quality and more useful items. I'm not there yet. Paring down Alex's wardrobe is another story! He's been participating, though because he works outside the home, he actually requires more clothing than I do.
There are a few more large items we need to part with, as well as acquire a few more. But since we are undecided about our long-term living arrangement at this time, we don't want to take in anything. We're making do with our old sofabed that won't be moving into our new place, wherever that will be, and our dining room table has been with us since our first apartment 14 years ago, and is barely holding on. But that's our table while we're here because it still gets the job done. We're also going to be parting with our TV, which Alex has had for over 16 years! We don't have cable tv; we watch our shows online. We may consider a projector or a wall mounted flatscreen in the future, but again, that is not a priority right now.
I've had to stop getting rid of books because I realized that most of what's left are children's books in Polish, and I don't want to limit what Natalia has access to when she gets older. For English books, there's always the library, even many Spanish books may be available that way. But I'm not going to reorder and pay for all new Polish books when we already have them. I've cut my original library size by at least half since I started parting with the written word. I'm quite proud of that accomplishment, and I'm now able to actually reference and reread my favorite books because I can easily get to them!
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Education and Languages - January Update
In my Attachment and Discipline update, I began to discuss setting boundaries as a way of gentle discipline. This brought to mind other areas of our daily life where I am setting boundaries for Natalia, but these fall more in line with education than relationships. Baby-led weaning comes to mind. Right off the bat I want to clarify that weaning here is used to mean the gradual addition of solid food and not the immediate replacement of breastmilk. We have been doing our best to try to let Natalia set the pace for what she eats, when, and how. We want her to develop a healthy relationship to food, one where she enjoys what she eats, learns to recognize her internal hunger and fullness signs, and practices independence to help build her confidence.
We are not the poster family for baby-led weaning by any means. Sometimes, I am chasing Natalia around the house with a spoonfull of something, because it's the only way she'll eat any solids that day. Other times, she's perfectly content to sit in her high chair and dig into her oatmeal with a spoon, or use her fork to feed herself some beans and pulled chicken. Or she'll hand-feed herself cut up grapes and shredded cheese, or pieces of cooked carrot.
I've even started pouring a little water into her tiny cup so that she can start to practice drinking like a big girl. She often wants to drink my water straight from my cup, instead of her water from her sippy cup. Does all of this make a mess? Absolutely, though not nearly as big as you've probably seen of the images of babies with spaghetti and sauce on their heads! For starters, we try to intervene with foods that may stain, and feed her those while she's feeding herself something else. We did this with pieces of beet at a restaurant the other day. Also, while I'm happy to let her practice big-girl drinking with water, her favorite beverage - kefir - is served up by me on a spoon. (I tried to let her go at it on her own, and a bath was in order afterwards!)
I have actually gotten so used to Natalia eating and drinking in this way that I was taken aback when our waitress the other day commented on it. She saw Natalia eating a selection of foods - egg, bread, beet, cheese, beans, potato, carrot, chicken - and said "Oh, you're eating by yourself? Good for you!" I suppose if this were a normal occurrence for a one-year-old, she wouldn't have felt the need to comment.
Another area of development where we think Natalia is ahead of the curve is in potty-learning. (I prefer the term potty "learning" versus potty "training" because we are not "training" her to do a trick like we would with a dog! She is learning the appropriate way to handle her waste; it's a skill like anything else.) She was only a few weeks old when Alex first held her over the toilet and we rejoiced as she peed, seemingly on cue! I quickly realized that she was indeed aware of the need to pee, at least while sleeping, because it would wake her up. How do I know? During a daytime nap, she woke up and I thought, let me see if she's dry, and she was. So I took her to the toilet, gave her the cue sound we use ("pshhpshhpshh"), and she peed. Then she went right back to sleep.
At about four months old, we got her a potty of her own and started to sit her on it. For the next six months, we prided ourselves for ever "catch" we would make in the potty - both pee and poop! When Natalia was 10 months old, I noticed that she was staying dry all night when I'd wake up with her to sit her on the potty, but during the day it was more miss than hit. I was exhausted from the constant getting up that I thought I'd avoid by sharing a bed. She started to resist being put on the potty, and so I stopped putting her on the potty at night, giving her a break. A while later, I stopped trying to read her signs during the day as well, letting her go at her own pace. Now and then, during a diaper change, we'd catch a pee, sometimes even a poop, into the potty, but I no longer made a big deal out of the misses.
A few weeks ago, at 13 months old, Natalia started to show an interest in her potty, which we left out next to her changing area all along. We have a doll we give water to drink and she pees on her own little potty, and once I showed Natalia this, she was fascinated with it, asking to give her water so that she could see her pee. She started putting her doll on the potty and then she started to climb on her own potty. Pictures and video tell this much better than my description could, so I will let them do the talking. I will mention though that she now does the cue sound on her own, both when she's on the potty and when her dollies are on. The only left to do now is to wait for her to be developmentally ready to recognize her urge to go early enough to catch it, and be able to utilize the right muscles to hold it long enough to be sat on the potty.
Another area of learning for Natalia has been linguistic. I speak to her in Polish during the day. Alex speaks to her in Spanish. We speak to each other in English, and sometimes, usually when we're around a linguistically mixed group, we speak English to her as well. In addition, we use whatever American Sign Language (ASL) signs we know at the same time that we're using the spoken words. The effect has been quite interesting.
Because of the multilingual input she's had since day one, we can't really answer questions like "how many words does she say" or "what was her first word" because it depends. Most people, when asking this question, assume monolingualism and are referring to spoken words. At 10 months old, Natalia was sitting in her play station while I was getting ready for us to go out. I passed her when I noticed out of the corner of my eye what looked like an intentional gesture. I stopped to look at her, and while making eye contact with me, she clearly did the sign for "milk", albeit with both hands. I immediately showed my excitement and picked her up as we sat on the sofa to nurse. Since that moment, she has signed whenever she wants to nurse. She used both hands until about a month ago, when she finally dropped the extra hand. Maybe she no longer feels the need to emphasize!
Natalia signs "milk", "bird", "dog", "ball", "water", "eat", "bear", "baby", "airplane", "cheese". She shakes her head "no". She vocalizes "ahm" for "eat", "wowow" for "dog", "brrroom brroom" for "car" (vehicle, or machine). She recently started to make the cue sound we use for going on the potty ("pshhpshh"), but I haven't yet noticed if she does this to tell me she's wet, or just as part of what she knows we do when she (or her doll) is on the potty. Finally, she has started to imitate some of what we're saying. She's made the intonation for "baby" before, and for my father's name when my mom was calling him. Most recently, she practices her letters (as daddy calls it) by repeating the vowels "a, e, i, o, u" when prompted. She has also pointed to herself upon seeing her own photo on the computer screen.
These are all very exiting strides, and while we do have to be more patient than the parents of monolingual children, we are content and proud that she understands all three languages, as well as the ASL signs we use on a regular basis (when used without the oral translation).
Finally, Natalia is learning early literacy skills by "writing" as well as "reading":
We are not the poster family for baby-led weaning by any means. Sometimes, I am chasing Natalia around the house with a spoonfull of something, because it's the only way she'll eat any solids that day. Other times, she's perfectly content to sit in her high chair and dig into her oatmeal with a spoon, or use her fork to feed herself some beans and pulled chicken. Or she'll hand-feed herself cut up grapes and shredded cheese, or pieces of cooked carrot.
 |
| Learning to use chopsticks. |
I have actually gotten so used to Natalia eating and drinking in this way that I was taken aback when our waitress the other day commented on it. She saw Natalia eating a selection of foods - egg, bread, beet, cheese, beans, potato, carrot, chicken - and said "Oh, you're eating by yourself? Good for you!" I suppose if this were a normal occurrence for a one-year-old, she wouldn't have felt the need to comment.
Another area of development where we think Natalia is ahead of the curve is in potty-learning. (I prefer the term potty "learning" versus potty "training" because we are not "training" her to do a trick like we would with a dog! She is learning the appropriate way to handle her waste; it's a skill like anything else.) She was only a few weeks old when Alex first held her over the toilet and we rejoiced as she peed, seemingly on cue! I quickly realized that she was indeed aware of the need to pee, at least while sleeping, because it would wake her up. How do I know? During a daytime nap, she woke up and I thought, let me see if she's dry, and she was. So I took her to the toilet, gave her the cue sound we use ("pshhpshhpshh"), and she peed. Then she went right back to sleep.
 |
| "You said, get on the potty." |
A few weeks ago, at 13 months old, Natalia started to show an interest in her potty, which we left out next to her changing area all along. We have a doll we give water to drink and she pees on her own little potty, and once I showed Natalia this, she was fascinated with it, asking to give her water so that she could see her pee. She started putting her doll on the potty and then she started to climb on her own potty. Pictures and video tell this much better than my description could, so I will let them do the talking. I will mention though that she now does the cue sound on her own, both when she's on the potty and when her dollies are on. The only left to do now is to wait for her to be developmentally ready to recognize her urge to go early enough to catch it, and be able to utilize the right muscles to hold it long enough to be sat on the potty.
Another area of learning for Natalia has been linguistic. I speak to her in Polish during the day. Alex speaks to her in Spanish. We speak to each other in English, and sometimes, usually when we're around a linguistically mixed group, we speak English to her as well. In addition, we use whatever American Sign Language (ASL) signs we know at the same time that we're using the spoken words. The effect has been quite interesting.
Because of the multilingual input she's had since day one, we can't really answer questions like "how many words does she say" or "what was her first word" because it depends. Most people, when asking this question, assume monolingualism and are referring to spoken words. At 10 months old, Natalia was sitting in her play station while I was getting ready for us to go out. I passed her when I noticed out of the corner of my eye what looked like an intentional gesture. I stopped to look at her, and while making eye contact with me, she clearly did the sign for "milk", albeit with both hands. I immediately showed my excitement and picked her up as we sat on the sofa to nurse. Since that moment, she has signed whenever she wants to nurse. She used both hands until about a month ago, when she finally dropped the extra hand. Maybe she no longer feels the need to emphasize!
Natalia signs "milk", "bird", "dog", "ball", "water", "eat", "bear", "baby", "airplane", "cheese". She shakes her head "no". She vocalizes "ahm" for "eat", "wowow" for "dog", "brrroom brroom" for "car" (vehicle, or machine). She recently started to make the cue sound we use for going on the potty ("pshhpshh"), but I haven't yet noticed if she does this to tell me she's wet, or just as part of what she knows we do when she (or her doll) is on the potty. Finally, she has started to imitate some of what we're saying. She's made the intonation for "baby" before, and for my father's name when my mom was calling him. Most recently, she practices her letters (as daddy calls it) by repeating the vowels "a, e, i, o, u" when prompted. She has also pointed to herself upon seeing her own photo on the computer screen.
These are all very exiting strides, and while we do have to be more patient than the parents of monolingual children, we are content and proud that she understands all three languages, as well as the ASL signs we use on a regular basis (when used without the oral translation).
Finally, Natalia is learning early literacy skills by "writing" as well as "reading":
 |
| Bedtime story corner. |
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| For now, she's ambidextrous. |
Attachment and Discipline - January Update
In my introductory post about expanding Hodgepodge Parenting, I listed seven areas of interest that I hope to blog about. After some reflection, I realized that this list could be narrowed down to five areas of interest by merging attachment parenting with gentle discipline, and by merging multilingualism and homeschooling. The latter both deal with educating our daughter. The former both have to do with the underlying relationship Alex and I have with Natalia, and the overall parenting philosophy that determines what we do and how we do it when it comes to general daily care of our daughter. So without further ado, here is how we are doing in this department as we kick off 2015.
Attachment parenting deals with several aspects of baby care that are ongoing: sleep, feeding, physical proximity, responding to baby's cries with love, being cautious of "baby trainers", and maintaining a balance in your life (ie. not overdoing it to the point of exhaustion or resentment). The seventh aspect of attachment parenting is actually the first, birth bonding, but since it is not ongoing, I won't be discussing it.
Physical proximity of parent and child is a key aspect of attachment parenting, as it involves several areas of life: breastfeeding on cue and extended (ie. past the one-year mark), cosleeping with baby (either sharing the same room or the same sleeping surface), and baby wearing. The bottom line is that I want to be close to my daughter as much as she wants to be close to me. It's really that simple. Yes, sometimes we have to put a little distance between us, but that's where the balance aspect comes in. Overwhelmingly, my day and night is spent being close to her.
I choose to cosleep with Natalia for several reasons. One, it makes nighttime parenting much easier. I never have to actually get out of bed when she wakes up, with the rare exceptions that I've had to get her some medicine, or back when I was overdoing it a little and practicing elimination communication at night and would get up to put her on the potty three times a night. (The urge to pee would wake her up, and so her diaper stayed dry all night when I engaged in nighttime EC.)
But cosleeping is not just for mere convenience. It's also been a wonderful bonding tool. We get a lot more cuddles in this way. It helps that we also breastfeed (Natalia is 14 months old, and the World Health Organization recommends nursing until at least age 2). Because we keep our mattress (no bed frame) on the floor, she can engage her independence by getting off the bed in the morning to go get her favorite dolly, or at night to bring daddy a book to read before he goes to sleep in his room.
Which brings up a logistical consideration that perhaps some people may wonder about. Alex doesn't cosleep with us. There are several reasons for this. One, he wakes up very early in the morning to go to work, and he is in charge of feeding and walking our dogs. All of this can get quite noisy, and there is no reason to wake up Natalia before she is good and ready.
Two, sorry booboo - Alex snores, LOUDLY, and even I cannot tolerate the sound of his so-called "loud breathing" when I'm counting on silence to help me drift off to sleep.
Three, and this is a minor consideration but works to our advantage, its a space saver and budget helper that we do not need to live in a home with an extra room where we would "keep" Natalia at night. Minimalism does play into this quite a bit. I have no need for my "own" bedroom, since all I do in a bedroom is sleep. I have a few drawers with my clothes, some more clothes hang in the walk-in closet that also serves as overflow for Natalia's toys that get rotated in, and that's it. We have our laundry in the bathroom, and that's where I get ready in the morning. We do our "TV watching" (generally on our laptop, or via the Roku player) in Alex's room. There is absolutely no need for me to have my "own" bedroom, or for Natalia to have her own room. When she gets older, yes. But not yet. (And for the uber curious, spousal intimacy does not require sharing sleeping quarters.)
Ok, so in addition to cosleeping and breastfeeding, I also like to wear Natalia in a carrier sometimes. Most days, she is running around free as a bird, especially around the house, ever since she became mobile at 8 months and started walking at 11.5 months. Depending on circumstances, when we go out, she also walks around a lot. But there are times when it just makes more sense for her to be up close and personal, right under my nose, so to speak. When I'm vacuuming, or sometimes doing other chores that keep me on my feet, and Natalia either feels left out and wants up, or I simply want to make sure she doesn't get into anything while my attention is diverted, that's a great time for her to snuggle up to me in a carrier. It comes with the added bonus of her getting an adult's eye view of what's going on in big people land.
When we go on walks, I like to wear her instead of pushing her in a stroller. For one thing, it's a pain to try to get the stroller set up, either by dragging it down a flight of stairs from our apartment, or by unfolding it after getting it out of the back of our car. It's just much simpler and less hazardous to get her situated in a carrier before we leave. During the colder months, I also feel better about keeping her bundled up against me, with a big jacket zipped up around both of us, instead of trying to keep the wind off her face as she's bundled up in a stroller. (I have had to do that when walking to the farmer's market for groceries, but it's not my preferred mode of transporting her!)
I will say that there is an additional benefit to wearing Natalia. When we are in a social situation with a lot of strangers, people are less likely to touch her if her face is near my boob (though make no mistake, people still do, even as they feel me up in the process!). Even better, people don't tend to ask if they can hold her if they see that she is attached to me! The reason this is important is that we do not push her to go to total strangers before she is comfortable in their presence. I don't care if it's a relative, if she doesn't know the person very well, she won't feel ok about being held by them, and we won't force her. It's important for her to know that her primary attachment is and should be to her parents, and that all other relationships must be filtered through this trusted primary relationship with mom and dad. Once she sees us interacting with the new person, with time she warms up to them and often is fine with a short visit in their arms. But keeping her in a carrier prevents the awkwardness of having to say - even to little kids, maybe especially to little kids - "no, you can't hold her, no you can't carry her, she's not a doll! She's a little person with her own likes and dislikes, her own personality, and you need to respect that!" If she's in a carrier, we can just skip this exchange.
Aside from physical closeness that comes with baby wearing, breastfeeding, and cosleeping, we have also begun the arduous task of figuring out the best way to start disciplining Natalia. While we love her to pieces and she is the center of our universe, we do not want her to come to believe that she is the center of everyone's universe! It is not healthy for a person to feel entitled. Not only is it not nice, but it also sets the person up for disappointment when life proves to treat them like it does everyone else. It has been difficult for me to know the boundaries between being loving and being permissive. I am working on this. That said, I need to clarify what I mean by discipline. I do NOT mean punishment, as that is already too late in the game. We shouldn't just wait for kids to mess up and then "teach" them not to do it again by punishing them. That should be a last resort, if at all.
Instead, discipline at its core simply means guidance, teaching a child what is the right thing to do, how to do things, when, why. Essentially, discipline is setting and enforcing boundaries. So for example, while I love to give Natalia freedom to explore various activities, including drawing with crayons or even a pen, it is never going to be OK for her to experiment with this activity on the wall, on the furniture, on the floor.... In other words, we are in charge of maintaining boundaries to her freedom until she has developed sufficient self-discipline to stay within the boundaries on her own. If I don't want her to write with a pen on her dolly's face, then I need to not allow her to walk around the house with a pen in hand. I can't just tell her once (or even repeatedly at this point) to only write on the paper and then punish her when she forgets or doesn't understand. She is not mature enough to stay within the boundaries, and so it is my job to prevent problems from happening.
So this has been an overview, really, of where we are with attachment and discipline. Starting next month I hope to keep it short and specific to any new developments since this writing.
Above we see Natalia helping mommy with dinner.
Attachment parenting deals with several aspects of baby care that are ongoing: sleep, feeding, physical proximity, responding to baby's cries with love, being cautious of "baby trainers", and maintaining a balance in your life (ie. not overdoing it to the point of exhaustion or resentment). The seventh aspect of attachment parenting is actually the first, birth bonding, but since it is not ongoing, I won't be discussing it.
Physical proximity of parent and child is a key aspect of attachment parenting, as it involves several areas of life: breastfeeding on cue and extended (ie. past the one-year mark), cosleeping with baby (either sharing the same room or the same sleeping surface), and baby wearing. The bottom line is that I want to be close to my daughter as much as she wants to be close to me. It's really that simple. Yes, sometimes we have to put a little distance between us, but that's where the balance aspect comes in. Overwhelmingly, my day and night is spent being close to her.
 |
| Taking a nap with her dollies. |
But cosleeping is not just for mere convenience. It's also been a wonderful bonding tool. We get a lot more cuddles in this way. It helps that we also breastfeed (Natalia is 14 months old, and the World Health Organization recommends nursing until at least age 2). Because we keep our mattress (no bed frame) on the floor, she can engage her independence by getting off the bed in the morning to go get her favorite dolly, or at night to bring daddy a book to read before he goes to sleep in his room.
Which brings up a logistical consideration that perhaps some people may wonder about. Alex doesn't cosleep with us. There are several reasons for this. One, he wakes up very early in the morning to go to work, and he is in charge of feeding and walking our dogs. All of this can get quite noisy, and there is no reason to wake up Natalia before she is good and ready.
Two, sorry booboo - Alex snores, LOUDLY, and even I cannot tolerate the sound of his so-called "loud breathing" when I'm counting on silence to help me drift off to sleep.
Three, and this is a minor consideration but works to our advantage, its a space saver and budget helper that we do not need to live in a home with an extra room where we would "keep" Natalia at night. Minimalism does play into this quite a bit. I have no need for my "own" bedroom, since all I do in a bedroom is sleep. I have a few drawers with my clothes, some more clothes hang in the walk-in closet that also serves as overflow for Natalia's toys that get rotated in, and that's it. We have our laundry in the bathroom, and that's where I get ready in the morning. We do our "TV watching" (generally on our laptop, or via the Roku player) in Alex's room. There is absolutely no need for me to have my "own" bedroom, or for Natalia to have her own room. When she gets older, yes. But not yet. (And for the uber curious, spousal intimacy does not require sharing sleeping quarters.)
Ok, so in addition to cosleeping and breastfeeding, I also like to wear Natalia in a carrier sometimes. Most days, she is running around free as a bird, especially around the house, ever since she became mobile at 8 months and started walking at 11.5 months. Depending on circumstances, when we go out, she also walks around a lot. But there are times when it just makes more sense for her to be up close and personal, right under my nose, so to speak. When I'm vacuuming, or sometimes doing other chores that keep me on my feet, and Natalia either feels left out and wants up, or I simply want to make sure she doesn't get into anything while my attention is diverted, that's a great time for her to snuggle up to me in a carrier. It comes with the added bonus of her getting an adult's eye view of what's going on in big people land.
 |
| Daddy is melting snow. You gotta see that up close and personal! |
I will say that there is an additional benefit to wearing Natalia. When we are in a social situation with a lot of strangers, people are less likely to touch her if her face is near my boob (though make no mistake, people still do, even as they feel me up in the process!). Even better, people don't tend to ask if they can hold her if they see that she is attached to me! The reason this is important is that we do not push her to go to total strangers before she is comfortable in their presence. I don't care if it's a relative, if she doesn't know the person very well, she won't feel ok about being held by them, and we won't force her. It's important for her to know that her primary attachment is and should be to her parents, and that all other relationships must be filtered through this trusted primary relationship with mom and dad. Once she sees us interacting with the new person, with time she warms up to them and often is fine with a short visit in their arms. But keeping her in a carrier prevents the awkwardness of having to say - even to little kids, maybe especially to little kids - "no, you can't hold her, no you can't carry her, she's not a doll! She's a little person with her own likes and dislikes, her own personality, and you need to respect that!" If she's in a carrier, we can just skip this exchange.
 |
| During naptime |
Instead, discipline at its core simply means guidance, teaching a child what is the right thing to do, how to do things, when, why. Essentially, discipline is setting and enforcing boundaries. So for example, while I love to give Natalia freedom to explore various activities, including drawing with crayons or even a pen, it is never going to be OK for her to experiment with this activity on the wall, on the furniture, on the floor.... In other words, we are in charge of maintaining boundaries to her freedom until she has developed sufficient self-discipline to stay within the boundaries on her own. If I don't want her to write with a pen on her dolly's face, then I need to not allow her to walk around the house with a pen in hand. I can't just tell her once (or even repeatedly at this point) to only write on the paper and then punish her when she forgets or doesn't understand. She is not mature enough to stay within the boundaries, and so it is my job to prevent problems from happening.
So this has been an overview, really, of where we are with attachment and discipline. Starting next month I hope to keep it short and specific to any new developments since this writing.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
My Take on Dave Ramsey's Financial Freedom Program
I tend to get fixated on extremes. I guess that's why Dave Ramsey's snow-balling gazelle-intense program to reach financial freedom appealed to me. And while we have come a long way over the past few years, I recently found myself frustrated yet again. As I considered the extremes we could take right now in order to finish paying off my student loans (which in itself is another post), I realized that it would involve about three years of enduring a lifestyle that would be a huge burden. Alex and I would go back to spending less time together, not to mention his time with Natalia... and once he goes back to school, we'd hardly ever see each other. There'd be tons of added stress.... In the meantime, Natalia would go from toddler to preschooler and I'd miss it all!
So I finally came to accept that I cannot take Dave Ramsey's advice at face value. He assumes that there is only past and future - the past that we have to fix, dig our way out of, and the future towards which we are working so hard. But what about the here and now? What about doing everything you can for the sake of a future goal only to find that in the middle of it all something happens that cannot be undone? I can't help but think of how hard my parents were working, both of them, at their "day" jobs and bringing work home, all for the sake of a better tomorrow, when suddenly my dad was in an accident that put a permanent stop to all of their plans. I can't help but wonder if my parents might have been able to enjoy each others' company more during those years had they not set the bar so high for themselves. I can't help but wonder if I would've felt a ton of regret had I been in my mom's shoes.
All we have guaranteed, without a doubt, is today. Of course, we should strive for improvement. Of course, we should be disciplined enough to apply delayed gratification as needed. Of course, we should think of the future when making big decisions. But before any of that, we must live in the here and now. We must be aware, grateful for what we have now, for what we can do now, for who we are now. Not so that we stay stagnant, but so that we live. We only live when we are in the now. When we are in the past, we are reminiscing or regretting, not living. When we are in the future, we are planning or hoping, not living. Nothing is more important in life than, well, living!
So I finally came to accept that I cannot take Dave Ramsey's advice at face value. He assumes that there is only past and future - the past that we have to fix, dig our way out of, and the future towards which we are working so hard. But what about the here and now? What about doing everything you can for the sake of a future goal only to find that in the middle of it all something happens that cannot be undone? I can't help but think of how hard my parents were working, both of them, at their "day" jobs and bringing work home, all for the sake of a better tomorrow, when suddenly my dad was in an accident that put a permanent stop to all of their plans. I can't help but wonder if my parents might have been able to enjoy each others' company more during those years had they not set the bar so high for themselves. I can't help but wonder if I would've felt a ton of regret had I been in my mom's shoes.
All we have guaranteed, without a doubt, is today. Of course, we should strive for improvement. Of course, we should be disciplined enough to apply delayed gratification as needed. Of course, we should think of the future when making big decisions. But before any of that, we must live in the here and now. We must be aware, grateful for what we have now, for what we can do now, for who we are now. Not so that we stay stagnant, but so that we live. We only live when we are in the now. When we are in the past, we are reminiscing or regretting, not living. When we are in the future, we are planning or hoping, not living. Nothing is more important in life than, well, living!
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Hodgepodge Parenting is Branching Out!
I have decided to open up our family blog to the wider blogosphere. After keeping the first year of this endeavor private and focusing on maintaining what's essentially been a virtual scrapbook of photos and videos, I've decided that I want to focus more of my time on a long-standing passion of mine - writing. There have been a few written posts here over the past year, but with a limited audience, I tried to keep those to a minimum. However, I'm ready to join the blogosphere of mommy bloggers as I share my thoughts on some of my favorite topics, especially as they influence my parenting in some way. Here's what you can expect:
attachment parenting
gentle discipline
green living
raising a multilingual child
stay-at-home parenting
minimalism
homeschooling
spiritual independence/deism
That last one is a relatively new development that I finally feel ready to be open about. I am a spiritual seeker, and I've spent years mulling over big existential questions. It took motherhood to finally show me what's really important in life, what adds to authentic living and what doesn't, and that belief in God need not be limited to membership in an organized religion.
Homeschooling doesn't technically apply to us just yet, but since I take a long time to get used to anything (I'm a spirited adult, an outgrowth of a spirited child), I have begun to incorporate preschool activities into our daily routine.
Minimalism has been something I wish I had discovered years ago! For me, it helps to have a label for things in order to better incorporate them into my psyche. As it turns out, my mom has been a minimalist for years, but it wasn't until I discovered the term and concept online that I - and Alex - got on board.
Stay-at-home parenting didn't seem like much of a topic for me until I recently realized that it's going to take more effort for both me and Natalia to make friends. If she were in daycare and I were employed outside the home, our social lives would not be an issue. But since our domain is the home, I see that it is an issue worth considering.
Raising a multilingual child was a no-brainer for Alex and me. For years we've said that any children we have will grow up knowing our respective native languages. Luckily, I've since discovered an online presence of like-minded parents who are making an effort to raise their children as multilingual, seeing the benefits and embracing the challenges. Natalia is learning Polish, Spanish, and English simultaneously, plus we use some signs with her to help us communicate. If you're wondering, no, she is not "talking" yet, but this is a very fluid milestone, not something she just wakes up doing one day. She does, however, communicate with us both through signs and a few proto-words, as well as gestures.
Green living has sadly taken a bit of a backseat since we downsized to an apartment, mainly because we stopped composting. However, it is still an issue near and dear to my heart, and it gives me great pleasure when I can do something in an environmentally conscious way. We use cloth diapers and elimination communication along with organic disposable diapers, as an example. And as the blog title states - hodgepodge is my approach. No extremes. There are ideals, yes, but there's also real life. No guilt, just ongoing effort and education.
Gentle discipline is something I'm learning about as Natalia has moved from the relatively "easy" phase of infant into toddlerhood. Coming from attachment parenting, where a baby's cry is understood to indicate a need and not a mere whim, I'm having to learn new strategies as I lovingly set limits for Natalia while allowing her as much independence as possible.
And speaking of attachment parenting, it was a rough start (there are a few posts on the subject in the archives), but both Alex and I are now starting to reap the benefits of forming a secure attachment with our daughter. For anyone interested, we are extended breastfeeding since Natalia is nearly 14 months old and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing "only" to the first birthday. However, the World Health Organization recommends nursing up to the second birthday, and that is the goal I have undertaken. Natalia and I also cosleep, which is absolute bliss and I'm so sad for babies (and parents!) who don't or can't embrace this type of nighttime parenting. Finally, I wear Natalia in a carrier on walks and while vacuuming as a matter of course. As she's become more mobile, she prefers to be running around instead. (She started walking at 11.5 months old.)
So there you have it, an overview of my parenting strategy. I hope over the coming months and posts, I'm able to share who we are and why we do what we do with anyone interested. I know I've gained a lot of insight by reading about how other parents do what they do, and I just want to keep that synergy going!
attachment parenting
gentle discipline
green living
raising a multilingual child
stay-at-home parenting
minimalism
homeschooling
spiritual independence/deism
That last one is a relatively new development that I finally feel ready to be open about. I am a spiritual seeker, and I've spent years mulling over big existential questions. It took motherhood to finally show me what's really important in life, what adds to authentic living and what doesn't, and that belief in God need not be limited to membership in an organized religion.
Homeschooling doesn't technically apply to us just yet, but since I take a long time to get used to anything (I'm a spirited adult, an outgrowth of a spirited child), I have begun to incorporate preschool activities into our daily routine.
Minimalism has been something I wish I had discovered years ago! For me, it helps to have a label for things in order to better incorporate them into my psyche. As it turns out, my mom has been a minimalist for years, but it wasn't until I discovered the term and concept online that I - and Alex - got on board.
Stay-at-home parenting didn't seem like much of a topic for me until I recently realized that it's going to take more effort for both me and Natalia to make friends. If she were in daycare and I were employed outside the home, our social lives would not be an issue. But since our domain is the home, I see that it is an issue worth considering.
Raising a multilingual child was a no-brainer for Alex and me. For years we've said that any children we have will grow up knowing our respective native languages. Luckily, I've since discovered an online presence of like-minded parents who are making an effort to raise their children as multilingual, seeing the benefits and embracing the challenges. Natalia is learning Polish, Spanish, and English simultaneously, plus we use some signs with her to help us communicate. If you're wondering, no, she is not "talking" yet, but this is a very fluid milestone, not something she just wakes up doing one day. She does, however, communicate with us both through signs and a few proto-words, as well as gestures.
Green living has sadly taken a bit of a backseat since we downsized to an apartment, mainly because we stopped composting. However, it is still an issue near and dear to my heart, and it gives me great pleasure when I can do something in an environmentally conscious way. We use cloth diapers and elimination communication along with organic disposable diapers, as an example. And as the blog title states - hodgepodge is my approach. No extremes. There are ideals, yes, but there's also real life. No guilt, just ongoing effort and education.
Gentle discipline is something I'm learning about as Natalia has moved from the relatively "easy" phase of infant into toddlerhood. Coming from attachment parenting, where a baby's cry is understood to indicate a need and not a mere whim, I'm having to learn new strategies as I lovingly set limits for Natalia while allowing her as much independence as possible.
And speaking of attachment parenting, it was a rough start (there are a few posts on the subject in the archives), but both Alex and I are now starting to reap the benefits of forming a secure attachment with our daughter. For anyone interested, we are extended breastfeeding since Natalia is nearly 14 months old and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing "only" to the first birthday. However, the World Health Organization recommends nursing up to the second birthday, and that is the goal I have undertaken. Natalia and I also cosleep, which is absolute bliss and I'm so sad for babies (and parents!) who don't or can't embrace this type of nighttime parenting. Finally, I wear Natalia in a carrier on walks and while vacuuming as a matter of course. As she's become more mobile, she prefers to be running around instead. (She started walking at 11.5 months old.)
So there you have it, an overview of my parenting strategy. I hope over the coming months and posts, I'm able to share who we are and why we do what we do with anyone interested. I know I've gained a lot of insight by reading about how other parents do what they do, and I just want to keep that synergy going!
Monday, January 5, 2015
Natalia's December as a One-Year-Old
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| "Don't look, Minnie!" |
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| "Let's see...... |
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| .... how does daddy button his shirt?" |
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| "Woo-hoo! I'm big enough to ride in the back!" |
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| "Look at me go!" |
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| "Look at all these books I got from Poland! Dziekuje pra-Babciu i Ciociu Jolko!" |
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| "woo-hoo!!!" |
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| "Check out my hair!" |
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| "They bundled me up like it's cold or something." |
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| Sporting her new boots. |
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| "Guess how I got here?!" |
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| Helping daddy make a wreath. |
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| with her dollies |
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| Met her cousin Danielito. Eyeballing each other with cousin Jade. |
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| Aren't they adorable?! |
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| "I want some coffee too!" |
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| "That's me on daddy's mug!" |
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| Strong helper. |
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| Pit stop on our way back from the farmer's market. |
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| unseasonably warm |
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| got cold quick |
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| "I'm so delicious I'm in a mixing bowl!" |
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| First bubble bath (courtesy Auntie Dusia) |
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| Shipment of new Polish books from great-grandmother Musti and Aunt Jolka! |
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| Cables are her favorite toy! |
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| But these even light up! |
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| delicious lime |
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| Taking some notes. |
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| Ran into Santa Clause! |
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| "Why you so happy, Santa?" |
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| Wearing her new hoodie and posing with her new train and book from Babcia. |
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| "Read my crown." :) |
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