Am I religious?

What does it mean to be religious?  I used to be both, religious and spiritual.  Specifically, I was "a believer".  I believed in the standard interpretation of my faith tradition.  I identified so closely with my religion, that I didn't appreciate the cultural aspect of religion and simply associated religion with "truth".  So when I started to doubt the literal "truth" of my religion, I embarked on a decades-long spiritual journey to find a different religion that could take the place of my previous world-view.  Never in over 20+ years did it occur to me that maybe none of the world religions have the full, literal truth of reality.  I simply assumed that one of them must, and if it isn't mine, it must be a different one, and once I found it, I would convert, so that I could see the world through the lense of truth again.

Even after having gotten a pretty decent understanding of many different faith traditions and finding some fault with every single one of them, I could not allow to rise to the surface what was already brewing deep within: none of the religions have the literal truth because that isn't the purpose of religion.  Religion is an aspect of culture, meant to help people find their place in the world.  It teaches us how to get along with each other, how to overcome difficulties, how to live meaningful lives, and eases the trauma of transitioning from this life to eternity - both for those approaching death and those left behind.

In fact, religion is quite useful and can be a very positive force in a person's life... unless it is interpreted literally and God is taken hostage and kept far away from all nuances of understanding and meaning. Then it is no different than any other cult, just much more socially acceptable and widely practiced.

When I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, I was handed a symbolic new set of lenses through which to see the world.  I was given the gift of self-understanding.  My incessant need to label things in order to understand them finally helped me look back on my life and appreciate why I had been unable to find "the religion of truth."  The name of the game was: nuance!

As I began to slowly recognize that nothing in life was strictly black or white, whether I wanted it to be or not, I began to apply this same logic to my faith tradition.  I finally accepted that there was nothing to run away from and nothing to run to.  I would have no choice but to form my own personal belief system based on what I have learned from all the different faith traditions, from personal experience, and from science and logic.  

After a brief time of mourning, I started to think about how I could reintroduce the religion of my upbringing into my adult life in a meaningful way.  I hadn't technically left the church - not since coming back the second time some years ago.  Not physically, anyway.  But mentally and emotionally, I had checked out.  

I was Catholic through and through.  I was familiar with the liturgy of the Mass, even if it's changed a lot since my childhood (not even counting the change in language).  I was comfortable with a lot of the messages that come to me from the art, music, ritual, and Bible stories.  And if life is about nuance, then I can take the good with the bad... or rather, I can take the good and leave the bad.  I don't have to allow the bad things to totally ruin the good.  I can simply learn to ignore the things that are illogical, immoral (ironic, I know), or just irrelevant to my life.

And circling back to the need to label... how do I label myself now?  Am I religious?  My knee-jerk reaction was that yes, in spite of no longer believing in the basic Christian theology, by virtue of being appreciative of Catholic ritual, I was still religious.  But lately, I've wondered if that's not misleading.  Generally people use "religious" and "believer" as if they were interchangeable.  They are not.  I am not both, religious and a believer.  I am just religious.  But my religiosity does not mean that I follow the dictates of my religion, well, religiously.  And that's because my religion is a part of my culture.  I have freedom in only adopting those parts of my culture/religion that actually bring me closer to God and being a better person.  Those are the very point of religion, if you ask me.

And so I'm spiritual, religious, but not a believer.  Of course, that last term is a misnomer as well.  I believe in plenty of things, even spiritual realities that haven't been (or cannot be) proven by science.  I just form my own opinions and beliefs now, instead of simply regurgitating what has been passed down as unquestionable tradition.