I thought I'd reflect on how the various aspects of Attachment Parenting have been working out in our home, along with a few non-AP practices (but ones that are in line with the AP philosophy).
Birth Bonding.
Obviously, this was a one time deal, but I've had the benefit of time to truly reflect on what went well and what didn't. While I don't have a medicalized or a hospital birth to compare our natural homebirth to, I can't imagine having less control over my labor and delivery. I am so grateful for having a midwife and birth assistant who respected the fact that this was MY birth, and MY body, and that they were there to facilitate and not dominate. While I was disheartened at the fact that I couldn't have the water birth I had planned, I have made peace with it. I also recognize now that the most painful part was indeed transition and pushing, and from what I read and have been told by other women, an epidural does little to alleviate the pain at the very end. With that information in mind, and considering that I think I handled the contractions pretty well without medical anesthesia, I'd be inclined to go for another natural homebirth in the future, should we be blessed with a second baby.
Breastfeeding.
I am so incredibly thankful to my lactation consultant, Angela, who was my last straw before I was ready to resign myself to full time pumping with part time formula supplementation. Natalia is now 8 months old, has been eating a variety of solid foods for over two months, and we continue to breastfeed on cue, day and night. She nurses both for nourishment and for comfort, and it has been the easiest thing in the world! We now have a trans-Atlantic trip under our belt, and no time was spent worrying about how we are going to feed Natalia. (We are familiar with both full time formula feeding our foster daughter, and part time formula supplementation with breast milk expression for Natalia, so believe me when I say that it is like night and day to go from that hassle to simply lifting my shirt and letting Natalia do the rest!) I hope we have a long time of breastfeeding ahead of us still.
Babywearing.
We spent two and a half weeks in Poland last month, we primarily used public transit, and we did not bring a stroller. Had it not been for the awful heat wave and lack of air conditioning in many places, our specially-ordered Boba baby carrier would get two thumbs up. But the heat made us stick to each other, and Natalia got so used to being at our eye level, that it was a hassle to get her used to her car seat again when we came home. With that in mind, we have started to use the stroller more than before, on our longer walks, and she is slowly coming around to the benefits of riding in a stroller versus hanging around on mom or dad; she gets to feel the cool breeze, see where she is going, and help herself to some yummy puffs!
Bedding Near Baby.
I'm still loving cosleeping with my little darling. There is a new challenge on the horizon now, though, since Natalia has become more mobile. Naps in particular are tricky, as we don't want her rolling off the bed. However, we do have foam puzzle floor pieces surrounding the bed in case she does, and we are teaching her how to get off the bed feet first. Other than that, there is something to be said for a night owl like me to be woken up in the morning with that precious ear-to-ear grin and a tiny open hand on my skin.
Responding to Cries with Care.
This has been tricky. As Natalia has moved from the newborn and young infant stage into the older baby stage, I have had to adjust my approach to her cries. Now she no longer only cries out of true need. Sometimes she cries (or whines, or yells) for what she merely would prefer, but doesn't necessarily need. Enter the early stages of discipline. I'm coming around to letting her cry a bit longer if I'm otherwise occupied and I know she's safe. I tell her "no" when she goes for something dangerous or destructive. But I'm also being challenged to rethink discipline in terms of teaching her self-control in the long run, and not focusing on punishment, as is the common association with discipline. So I don't just say "no", but I redirect or distract her. I continue to respond to her cries with empathy, treating her the way I'd want to be treated in her same situation.
Beware of Baby Trainers.
This will be an ongoing challenge, I suppose. I am still learning what the best way is to avert advice that goes against a solid attachment relationship. I've been told to let her cry it out, for instance, which just doesn't jive with our family ethos. When someone is upset in our family, regardless if we think they "should" be or not, we validate their right to feeling whatever emotions they feel; we empathize. We won't treat a child worse that we would treat an adult! That's not to say that we don't discipline (see above). We just have the bigger picture in mind.
Balance.
Oscar and Natalia have regular daddy-and-me time at least once a week which gives me a couple of hours to myself. I'm not going to lie; at first, I was very excited to be left alone for a bit. But as Natalia has gotten older and as our relationship has grown stronger through the attachment we've formed, I miss her the moment they walk out the door. Yet I know that it's important for Natalia to have a strong attachment to her daddy, and later to others as well, so that I don't remain the center of her universe for long. And I know that even though I would prefer to have her near me (just playing safely and quietly without "helping me type", for instance), she is not quite at that developmental stage yet.
Elimination Communication.
This isn't an official Attachment Parenting idea, but it seems a natural extension from the point about Responding with Care in particular, and simply being attuned to each other and having the bigger picture in mind more generally. We practice EC part time. I no longer practice nighttime EC. For one thing, it was wrecking havoc on my sleep, and sometimes she was annoyed to be upright on the potty when she woke up in the middle of the night. For another, she generally stays dry for roughly up to 9 hours at night. If she wakes up early, say around 6am, nine times out of ten her diaper is still dry. I sit her on the potty, she pees, and in about an hour or two, we go back to sleep for her longest nap. A benefit to bedding with baby while practicing EC is that she doesn't have a chance to pee in her diaper when she wakes up, because her waking up arouses me as well, and we have a chance to "catch it". Also, most of her poops are now "caught" directly into the potty. Makes for a lot less clean up during diaper changes, and for a much less stinky diaper pail.
Baby-led Weaning.
This refers to the introduction of solid food, NOT the elimination of breast milk. It's also not an official Attachment Parenting idea, but again, seems to mesh well with Responding with Care, learning together, and keeping the bigger picture in mind. This has not been as successful for us as I might've thought. I found the idea of letting her get messy on purpose from hand feeding, when I could simply feed her by spoon, to be an unnecessary hassle and I chose the AP idea of Balance to opt for a style of eating that's easier for us both. Plus, Natalia hasn't been all that interested in feeding herself. We have to try to coax her to take her own sippy cup in her own hands instead of waiting for us to tip it up for her, for instance. One main exception has been her puffs, which she helps herself to while riding in her stroller, and in her bouncy (we're waiting for her high chair to be ready this week!) while the adults are having dinner. I suspect that she will become much more independent soon, once we pick up our specially-ordered Amish high chair (that's all I'm saying about that for now!)
Baby Signs.
I'm not sure I mentioned this before, but we have been using signs for some of the most common nouns and verbs that we encounter on a daily basis. We suspect that Natalia has started "babbling in sign". What I mean by that is that she is actively making gestures with an apparent desire to communicate, but those gestures don't yet align with the specific thing she is referring to. She also doesn't use them consistently yet. Except for "airplane" - as soon as she hears a plane in the sky (we're close to the airport, so there's a bit of take-off and landing traffic), she not only looks to the sky (or the window if we're indoors) to try to locate it, but half the time she also raises her hand in what will become the sign for "airplane" once she gets better finger dexterity. I believe she is signing and not merely pointing, because she does this even before the plane is visible, so there is nothing for her to point to. She also lifts her arms up to indicate that she wants to be picked up. She has started clapping her hands, which at times seems to correlate with asking for more food (the sign for "more" involves the coming together of both hands). A very important sign that we are hoping she picks up soon is the sign for "toilet", since it would make elimination communication that much easier!
So I think that covers the major areas of parenting where we have a particular approach in mind. Have I mentioned how much I adore mothering my baby?!
