Why Do You Do That? (Staying home with Baby)

I want to preface this post by saying that I am grateful for the ability to stay home with Natalia, though  I realize that this is not an option for all families.  Having said that, I want to share why I did make this choice – why Oscar and I together made this choice – and why I’m loving it.

Practically speaking, my job before having Natalia was such that, if we were to pay the average childcare costs while I kept that job, I’d essentially be going to work solely for the purpose of paying for childcare.  We would not have been any better off financially had I returned to work after Natalia was born.

But the bottom line for me was that after waiting 10 years to have a baby, I cannot imagine turning around and delegating her care to someone else.  Since we are blessed with Oscar’s job, which allows us to live off one income, the decision for me to stay home with Natalia was a no-brainer. 

I wanted to be a mom so that I could be a mom – daily, all day, all the time.  I enjoy being a mom and raising our daughter.  If I didn’t think I’d want to do it full time, I wouldn’t have worried about going through all we went through in order to finally welcome Natalia. 

 

Taking a nap together.

Furthermore, since we intend to homeschool Natalia, I am looking forward to spending my days with her for years to come, not just “until she is sent off to Kindergarten”.  By the time she is a high school graduate and ready to be on her own, and therefore my job as homeschooling mom is over, I will be at an age approaching retirement.  (At least, an age I consider to be appropriate for retirement, since the political powers that be keep inching that cut off age higher and higher, until our elderly are compelled to keep working way past the age where they should be reaping the benefits of a career.) 

That’s not to say that I won’t go back to working outside the home for pay at some point in the future, but I no longer have “career aspirations” like I did when in college.  I’m getting my life’s fulfillment from raising and educating the next generation, and supporting Oscar in his career aspirations.  This is incredibly freeing, as it allows me to focus on pursuits that are not tied to a “9 to 5” or the “rat race”.  When Natalia gets a little older, I hope to start volunteering some of my time for some worthwhile cause.

I wasn’t always intent on being a stay-at-home mom.  I especially didn’t understand why a woman would want to be home once her children were at school, or old enough to be spending more time with their peers than at home.  It only takes so many hours to clean, grocery shop, meal plan and cook. It’s not a full-time job.  And if it is, then perhaps the family ought to consider downsizing and simplifying their life!  But to each their own.

 

Morning playtime in her play yard, while I get some chores done.

As for what I love specifically about being home with Natalia...  Since we get up multiple times at night to nurse, I love that I have nowhere to be in the morning and can sleep in as long as she lets me, or that we can take a nap together. I love that we can nurse whenever she wants without worrying about flashing perfect strangers.  For that matter, I love not having to pump anymore, as I would need to during work hours in order to maintain my supply and provide enough breastmilk for her. I love that I can get most things done around the house, either with her in a carrier, playing in her play yard, or during her naps.  This way, in the evenings, we can enjoy being a family together, and after she goes to sleep, Oscar and I can have a bit of time to ourselves without trying to get the chores done.  The same applies to weekends – they are ours for the enjoyment of each other’s company, not for catching up on chores.

 

"Am I laundry?" Natalka in the hamper, watching me load the washer.

If we lived closer to family, I’d be able to visit with them often, during the day.  Unfortunately, we are sort of isolated here, not even near friends.  Hopefully this will change at some point, or we will be able to make more frequent trips across state lines for overnight visits.  This is something we wouldn’t even be able to consider if Oscar and I were both working Monday-Friday.

And to top it all off, I do not have to dread the day when I drop off my little girl at school, handing over responsibility for her education and character formation to complete strangers, because we intend to homeschool!  This makes staying home with Natalia now even sweeter, as I see our time together something to be enjoyed for years to come, and not something that will be over in a few short years.

We just finished hanging laundry out to dry.

Oscar and I joke when new people ask what I do for a living.  We say that I am retired.  And why not?  The mainstream definition of the term means “having left one’s job and ceased to work” – is this not true?  But there is an archaic definition that fits as well: “quiet and secluded, not seen or frequented by many people”.  This fits me also, as I thrive on silence and alone time.  (If you know me well, you know I enjoy going on silent retreats where I can recharge and gain perspective on my life.) 

I am retired from the work of teaching adults, teaching ESL.  Instead, I have embarked on an even more fulfilling teaching position – that of parent.  My home and the world at large are now my classrooms.  My daughter, my only pupil.  The curriculum is eclectic, and there are no tests, save for the fact if my daughter grows up trusting and respecting me, if she grows up to be a conscientious and independent individual, if she is healthy and safe and kind and joyful, then we pass with flying colors!

Staying home with Natalia solidifies for me our relationship.  I cannot imagine having it any other way.

Happy baby, happy mama!