Define Bad Habit

When I think of bad habits, I think of things we do that are unhealthy, unsafe, or irritating to the people around us.  Like smoking, or cursing, or picking one’s nose in public.  I do not understand this notion that many people seem to have that enjoying time with one’s child or showing her affection constitutes a “bad habit”.  Allow me to elaborate.

I have Natalia sleep in my bed with me.  I rock or nurse her to sleep, both for naps and at bedtime.  If she doesn’t seem sleepy, we do something else and try again later.  (You can’t physically force someone to sleep when they’re not sleepy, unless of course your drug them!)  This doesn’t bother me in the least, as it means less crying and fussing on Natalia’s part, and more time spent enjoying her rather than wasting time trying to get her to sleep only to keep coming back to a crying baby.  Yet on several occasions now I’ve heard and/or read that this is somehow a “bad habit”.  

Helping my daughter transition to sleep and encouraging her to think of sleep as a positive thing and not a power struggle between her and us-the-parents is somehow something negative.  What, pray tell, would be the “good habit” alternative?  Willingly enduring as my daughter screams at the top of her lungs, tears streaming down her face?  If you were to treat a fellow adult this way, you’d be considered quite the cold-hearted monster. Does she learn to “self-soothe”?  Or does she just learn to not bother crying for mommy and daddy because she sees that they don’t care and won’t come anyway?  Is this really a “positive” result?

Or breastfeeding.  After enduring the first couple of months of breastfeeding hell, I hope Natalia and I have a nice long breastfeeding relationship ahead of us.  The World Health Organization (WHO) states that “exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond.” What many Americans hear is the first part, “up to 6 months”, and even there, they may focus on the “up to” and not the “6 months”.

Now, I’m not judging in any way those who for one reason or another simply could not establish or continue a healthy, normal breastfeeding relationship with their child.  Believe me, I was there and I know how incredibly difficult it can be, and I had the benefit of Oscar’s 6 weeks of paternity leave and my becoming a stay-at-home mom.  I cannot even imagine how difficult it must be for moms without these two advantages.  

What I am saying is that just because many American women do not breastfeed according to the WHO recommendations doesn’t mean that those of us who do (or hope to) are in some way establishing “bad habits”.  No, I am not worried that Natalia will sneak a booby break before going up to pick up her high school diploma.  That has actually been suggested to me (in jest, I hope).  

I am well aware – as most people seem to be, since everyone tells me kids grow up so quickly – that the amount of dependence that my daughter has on me will naturally lessen over the years.  Why on God’s green earth would I want to rush the inevitable?  Especially after waiting for so long for her to join our family?  What’s the rush?  What bad habit will I establish by encouraging her to nurse on cue whenever she needs the nourishment or closeness of her mommy?  There will be plenty of times when I will be forced to stand my ground with a resounding “no” to her requests.  Breastfeeding need not be one of these times.

I give Natalia hugs and kisses.  Should I cut back on these too, for fear of her thinking she is loved beyond measure by her mommy?  Should I maybe ration out affection to her so she doesn’t think too highly of herself as a valued member of the family and a human being worthy of affection?  

Why would I choose to see my baby do this.....

...when I can see her do this...

...or this?