Dear Natalka, Happy 1st Birthday!

My dearest Natalka,

Your first birthday is fast approaching, and I am falling in love with you more and more with each passing day!  It seems that the human heart is perfectly capable of expanding, since it, like God, is not limited by time or space.  You bring me so much joy on a daily basis, my little pumpkin!  Your smile lights up my world! Your hugs and (attempts at) kisses make me feel wrapped in God’s goodness.  You have helped me understand what the Scriptures mean where it says, “where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst” (Matthew 18:20).  Love in a vacuum is not love but a mere concept. You have reminded me what life is all about. You have been one of my greatest teachers already, and here I thought the learning wouldn’t begin until we start to officially homeschool!

As I look to the future, I think of all the things I want to provide for you, so that your life may be a testament of God’s goodness.  Perhaps the genius of life unfolding over generations is that each subsequent generation is able to make little tweaks here and there, improving life for their children.  I had a wonderful upbringing, and for the longest time, considered my childhood to be idyllic.  How could I improve on perfection?  But with age and maturity comes the gift of perspective.  If I compare anything to something far worse, I’ll be forever content with average.  But if I compare that same thing to something far greater, even unreachable in any given lifetime, then I’ll always strive for improvement.  This latter approach is the only way for progress to take place.  As the saying goes, if you shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you end up among the stars!

I want you to be healthy.  Two examples of how I am working on this are your teeth and your diet. I want to make sure you don’t have the same problems with your teeth that I’ve had!  I want to do all I can to help you avoid the need for more than regular check-up visits at the dentist! I’m doing this by introducing you to regularly brushing your teeth even long before many parents think of it. You’ve been “brushing” for over six months at this point!  Also, I am trying to avoid excess sweets in your diet, which can lead to dreadful cavities. I want you to enjoy a wide range of flavors and not be a picky eater like I have been most of my life.  This is difficult, so at times I have to let Daddy take over and introduce you to foods or flavors that he enjoys but I don’t. 

I want you to love God.  I am very aware of the fact that without God, you wouldn’t be here today.  I am eternally grateful to Him, and I want to pass on that sense of gratitude to you.  There will be difficulties in life; this is inevitable.  But through it all, I want you to keep your focus on God, who is where you come from and where you are destined to end up. Loving God means loving other people.  It means giving everyone a chance, and then a second chance if need be.  It means never having to meet a stranger, only friends you haven’t made yet.  It means never looking down your nose on someone else, no matter what they are struggling with.  It means always looking for ways to be helpful to others, even in small ways like a friendly smile.  This lesson will certainly come to you more from Daddy than from me, because I do struggle in this area.  I am often suspicious of people I don’t know, and this stems from a weak sense of confidence, which is why that’s another goal I have for you.

I want you to have a strong sense of confidence in yourself.  This begins with a solid attachment to your primary caregivers, your daddy and me.  It also involves letting you make your own mistakes, as long as the repercussions are not too great.  Because this way, you can learn that you don’t need to depend on others to rescue you from problems. That already started, by letting you walk even when I know you may fall and bump your head.  It’s the only way you’ll learn that you can do it, that you don’t need us to do things for you.  I don’t want to micromanage your daily life for you – when to sleep, when to eat, what to play, with whom to interact... I am teaching you basics, establishing boundaries within which you can make up your own mind about what’s right for you.

Ultimately, my birthday wish for you – this year and every year for the rest of your life – is that you be kind, safe/healthy, and joyful.  I cannot think of a single thing I’d want for you that doesn’t fit into one of these three categories.  If you are kind to others, then I am already proud of you.  If you are healthy and safe, then my mind is at ease.  If you are joyful in life (which is so much more than merely “happy”, an emotion that is so fleeting and dependent on external factors), then I have done my job.

The way I understand my job as your mom is this.  While you are young, I’m responsible for you.  As you grow, I slowly hand over more and more of that responsibility, until one day, when you are all grown up, I can look at you and say, “I’ve taught you everything I know.”  My job as your mom will never be done, but my responsibilities will then be to give you sound advice, offer a listening ear, and be that home where you can always return, no matter what, to regroup, to reflect, to rejoice, to grieve, to burn off some steam, to find yourself.  Whatever you need, Natalka, I will always be here for you.  My love for you is unconditional.  I will never judge you for making the wrong decision, even if I am disappointed.  I will always forgive you if anything you do should ever hurt my feelings.  I will never insist that my way is the only way to get something done.  I will always be eager to hear about your passions as well as your trials.  

My precious little girl, how you’ve grown in your first year in the world.  Your greatest development happened in utero, hidden away from my sight.  But this year, I’ve had the privilege to watch you grow and learn and rejoice in your surroundings. I never want to say “I can’t wait until...” because, like this Aerosmith song says, I don’t want to miss a thing!

Happy birthday, Natalka!  Here’s to a hundred more! Sto lat!