Hodgepodge Parenting: March 2014

The last three aspects of Attachment Parenting work well together to explain how we handle Natalia’s, well, bathroom habits. It’s actually Natalia’s pees and poos of all things that helped me accept that we will be “hodgepodge” parenting.

5. Responding to Baby's Cries in a timely way
6. Beware of Baby Trainers
7. Balance

Natalia spends the majority of her day in cloth diapers. My primary motivation for this choice was environmental. In addition to the diapers having a very long life-span and the ability to be reused as rags eventually, there will simply be many, many less of them in the landfill at the end than there would be disposable diapers. Plus, they're way cuter than disposables. However, as much as I actually enjoy changing Natalia’s cloth diapers (yes, and even washing them), they have some limitations. I opted for the least expensive diapers, prefolds covered with a waterproof diaper cover. This leads to a bit of bulk in Natalia’s bum region. Therefore, they’re not ideal for car rides where she is buckled in tightly in her car seat. Also, since Natalia has been very sensitive to wet diapers, she quickly lets us know she needs to be changed. So since I wanted to maximize my sleep at night, I opted for chlorine-free disposable diapers, which keep Natalia dry longer, helping her to only wake up when hungry.

I love my green diaper cover!

I mentioned that Natalia fusses when wet. This is her communicating with us. How we respond to her cries shows her that we are attuned to her needs and that we can be trusted to handle them. Naturally, she doesn’t just cry when wet or dirty. She cries when she’s hungry or thirsty, when she’s tired, overstimulated or bored, uncomfortable or scared. One thing she – or any baby this age – doesn’t do is cry just to get on our nerves. (Now, if I could only remember that when I’m tired or hungry and easily annoyed!)
So-called “baby trainers”, however, would have me believe otherwise. A “baby trainer” is Dr. Sears’s term for any advice-giver who follows a more restrained, detached style of parenting (“Let baby cry it out,” “Don’t hold her so much; you’ll spoil her,” “Get him on a schedule.”). Baby trainers seek to do just that – train babies to conform to their parent’s wishes, without particular attention paid to the age-appropriateness of the demands being placed on the baby.

Having just left the comforts of the womb, babies are not developmentally ready yet to tend to their own needs. They often don’t know what they want, or if they do, they don’t know how to get it. This is why God gives babies parents. Babies are meant to be dependent on their parents, duh! Slowly, with time and as they mature, they become more and more independent. There is no need to rush this process. (I’m amazed at how many parents lament how “they grow up so fast!” and yet they actually do all they can to speed the process along by trying to get them to be independent as soon as possible. In fact, by teaching baby to self-soothe, baby really learns not to trust parents to be there for his or her needs. So sad.)

But anyway, let’s get back to Natalia’s diapers :) Not only does she dislike being wet or dirty, she will actually fuss as soon as she feels the urge to pee or poop! Sounds outrageous, right? Yet I’ve experienced it firsthand. How? Oscar and I practice what is called “elimination communication”, or EC for short. It’s also known as natural infant hygiene. When Natalia fusses, if we’ve been paying attention and have kept track of her feedings, naps, and diaper changes, we can usually figure out when she is fussing because she has to go to the bathroom. So we take her to the bathroom, hold her over the toilet, and voila, she pees or poops! I kid you not.

At 4 weeks old, Natalia going #2 in the big potty!

Let me share a quick story to illustrate. We were driving home from visiting my parents when Natalia started fussing. She wouldn't be consoled. We knew she had just gotten fed, and she would've fallen asleep with our attempts at soothing her if a nap were what she needed. So we pulled over and took her to Buy Buy Baby to change her. Her diaper was dry, so I held her over the toilet and she pooped! I put her clean diaper back on, and we finished our drive without further comment from Natalia. Plus, we didn't have to wipe smeared poop off her tiny bum!

Daddy "catching" Natalia's pee, at 11 weeks old.

I know some of you still won’t believe me, so I’ve taken a video to prove it. (Warning, don’t watch it when you’re eating!)

And so, we see the last three aspects of attachment parenting most readily displayed at our home with Natalia’s bathroom habits! We respond quickly and lovingly to her cries/fussing/communication attempts. We ignore advice that goes against our parental instinct to be there for our baby and trust that she is too young to manipulate us, and that this phase of her life will be over all too quickly anyway. And we also remember to balance her needs with our own, convenience with, cost and time.

Holding my big girl over her new potty.

So, why do we cloth diaper?

It’s better for the environment, both in terms of diaper production and landfill use. It’s also better for baby’s skin, as no artificial chemicals rub up against it. It’s cheaper as well, since the diapers can not only be reused, they can be reused for multiple babies!

Ok, then why do we use disposable diapers?

We use them for her comfort during car-rides, and for my sanity at night.

And why do we practice elimination communication?

It’s best to never teach Natalia to ignore her elimination needs, as then we’ll just have to reinvent the wheel when it’s time to “potty train”. We think it’s pretty darn nifty that we can communicate with her about this, and we love the reactions we get from people who can’t believe a baby this young knows to go on a big potty. And, for every pee or poop that we do “catch”, we save a disposable diaper or extend the use of a cloth diaper.

What’s hodgepodge about that? What isn’t hodgepodge about that?! ;)

Ok, one more pic for good measure. I couldn't resist those little leg rolls!